Multiloquence characterized by consummate interfusion of circumlocution or periphrasis, inscrutability, and other familiar manifestations of abstruse expatiation commonly utilized for promulgations implementing Procrustean determinations by governmental bodies.
OK, so the Gabrielle Giffords story has lots of "human interest," the sort of crap that people love to see, and the primary reason the media panders to this sort of nonsense. But really, do we have to hear about her rubbing the husband's neck for ten minutes? Or lifting her finger?
I'm just waiting for the next headline: "Gabby farts and takes her first dump" - no doubt with a detailed account of the volume, length, girth, texture, color, and odor.